My Uncomfortable Mind

     It is  now winter here, in New England, USA.   This time of year, begs me to go to bed, by darkness.   Maybe to escape, my  own personal reality.      As a child, I would never admit to it, but I secretly loved going to sleep,…

     I realized something, recently, that I hadn’t thought of  before.   I realized, that I think of my father, every, single, day.   I think of him despite the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, and neglect, that he bestowed upon me.              …

     I often wonder, if my life would be much bigger, bolder, braver, more successful, if  I did not have PTSD, Panic Disorder and Schizoaffective Disorder.  I like to imagine myself  as independant, and super powerful.   But, I never really believe it.      People have told me,…

    I  am feeling sadness, and guilt, because, I have not written, in this blog, for months. I consider, my, blog called “My Uncomfortable Mind”, to be my biggest accomplishment in life.     It has been a rough summer.   My husband and I, did, however,  go hide…

     It has  been ages since I have written.  Life has been tough for me.  I should have used this as an oppurtunity to write.  I just, haven’t been myself.      I went to 4 funerals and memorials, in 2 months.   The last memorial service was for…

      I am writing this blog entry at about 1:40 in the morning.  Usually when I write, I listen to music, specifically, The Moody Blues.  Not this time.      I have been sitting in relative silence except for the sound of the fan, and my sweet, deaf…

     I think that, I should have written in this blog, quite some time ago, however, circumstances, did not permit      I was  really phsically ill, with vomitting, nausea, coughing, and lung pain.  It was an on and off thing.  I went to the doctor’s several times, and…

     I,  had been travelling through life, OK,..  Or,.It least, that is what I had told myself,  lately.       Mental illness and PTSD, have fooled me many, times.    I didn’t know that things were going wrong.  I felt somewhat numb.      It was my husband,…

    I am mostly easy going, kind, gentle, intelligent.   But within me, there is a lot of anxiety, a lot of heartbreak, a lot of sorrow,  a lot of frustration,  and a lot of anger.      I have mentioned this, at points in this blog, that my…

      Recently, I went to see my physician for a physical.   During my physical, Dr. K. said to me: “I just want you to know, that you are extremely intelligent   I don’t think that you realize how intelligent you are.”  “Really?” I said.  “Yes”, Dr. K.…