My Uncomfortable Mind

    I am mostly easy going, kind, gentle, intelligent.   But within me, there is a lot of anxiety, a lot of heartbreak, a lot of sorrow,  a lot of frustration,  and a lot of anger.
     I have mentioned this, at points in this blog, that my father abused me, and my half sister and half brother, in a very sick way.
     In my late teens, I felt compelled to help my half sister, and I told her what happened to me.  My father found out and cut off all contact that I had with my half siblings.
     I think that the loss of my half siblings was worse than the abuse, that I endured, at my father’s hands.  It has been over 30 years since I have had a relationship with them.
      Last, I heard, my half brother , said that my claims were “bullshit”.  My half sister tried writing to me, until our father told her ” that she would never see her mother again, if she kept writing to me”.
    I don’t have any other siblings.  How do I resolve this heartbreak?
     I thought that I was doing alright, but my husband knows me very well, and told me, that I was having problems, that I was thinking of my father and my half siblings a lot.