My Uncomfortable Mind

     My husband and I, recently took a vacation, to a resort in Jamaica.   It was something that we have never done before.   We have taken a few mini trips, like business trips.  They were  not true vacations.      Before our vacation to Jamaica, I was…

      The holidays have passed.   Thanksgiving day, Christmas Day, and New Year’s Day, went relatively smoothly.   I felt numb and scared, getting through it though.       Every year, in the holiday season, I feel irritable, angry, frightened.   I have thoughts of my brother…

     I am feeling rather lost.  About a week before Christmas, I began feeling so numb.  I did not make a list, to send out Christmas cards,   I did not make a list of people that I wanted to send gifts to.      I did help my…

     It is  now winter here, in New England, USA.   This time of year, begs me to go to bed, by darkness.   Maybe to escape, my  own personal reality.      As a child, I would never admit to it, but I secretly loved going to sleep,…

     I realized something, recently, that I hadn’t thought of  before.   I realized, that I think of my father, every, single, day.   I think of him despite the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, and neglect, that he bestowed upon me.              …

     I often wonder, if my life would be much bigger, bolder, braver, more successful, if  I did not have PTSD, Panic Disorder and Schizoaffective Disorder.  I like to imagine myself  as independant, and super powerful.   But, I never really believe it.      People have told me,…

    I  am feeling sadness, and guilt, because, I have not written, in this blog, for months. I consider, my, blog called “My Uncomfortable Mind”, to be my biggest accomplishment in life.     It has been a rough summer.   My husband and I, did, however,  go hide…

     It has  been ages since I have written.  Life has been tough for me.  I should have used this as an oppurtunity to write.  I just, haven’t been myself.      I went to 4 funerals and memorials, in 2 months.   The last memorial service was for…

      I am writing this blog entry at about 1:40 in the morning.  Usually when I write, I listen to music, specifically, The Moody Blues.  Not this time.      I have been sitting in relative silence except for the sound of the fan, and my sweet, deaf…

     I think that, I should have written in this blog, quite some time ago, however, circumstances, did not permit      I was  really phsically ill, with vomitting, nausea, coughing, and lung pain.  It was an on and off thing.  I went to the doctor’s several times, and…