My Uncomfortable Mind

#136….."Those People"

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     Have you ever felt discriminated against, by a family member, or worse, several family members?
Yeah…..I don’t know what to say, really.  I just want a family that truly loves me.
    All I know, is that my wonderful husband practically begged these people to visit me, while I was in a Psychiatric Unit of a hospital, about 2 months ago.  I was being treated for Deepression.
      They told my husband, that they would not be visiting me, because, “they felt uncomfortable, around, those people”.
      I felt like I was going to throw up, when I heard that.  I am, afterall, one of “those people”.   I am at times deeply depressed, paranoid, of people killing me, hallucinating, usually hearing my name being called, over and over , panicking, and feeling overwhelmed in certain situations or places,  and having flashbacks, of things that I have seen or experienced.  I am very loving, they say.  But mostly, I feel scared.
     These relatives, came to our apartment, about 2 weeks, after, I got home, from the hospital.   They brought me a plant, saying, that “it would give me something to do”.   WTF, does that mean?
      I finally sent them a messege, telling them, how I felt rejected, that they would not see me while I was in the hospital. They did not respond.
      Thanksgiving is coming very soon.  We may end up bumping into them.
     My Mother told me, that, even though, I am ill, I do not look sick.  It truly surprises people when they learn that I have Panic Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Schizoaffective Disorder.
I have lost a lot of potential friends.  People who were ignorant about mental illness.
      I swear, some seem to expect me to pull out a semi-automatic rifle, at any moment.
     Please people, see my gentle side.   I am a person, just like you.

2 responses to “#136….."Those People"”

  1. Avatar
    Anonymous

    It's amazing that you've been able to stay gentle and loving in the face of all the rejection and stereotyping. Maybe it's because there are also many people who love and appreciate you.

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  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Judy, you are so right! As time goes on, I'm making more and more friends. There were times in my younger years, where, I had no friends. I was so painfully shy, and uneasy around people.

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Hello,

I’m Christine

My name is Christine and I am almost 45 years old. This is my very first blog. I am writing because I feel like I am living in a closet. But I am not gay, I am mentally ill, I have Schizoaffective Disorder. I also have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Not many people know this about me. I have been fearful of “coming out”, because, frankly, the human population has not always been kind to people with mental illness. But isn’t it time that we come to accept all of our bothers & sisters, regardless of their differences?

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