My Uncomfortable Mind

     I went into a hospital’s Psychiatric Unit, at the end of September.  I stayed in-patient for 8 days.
During this time, I went for several Electro-Convulsive Therapy treatments.  In the past more primitive, less empathetic years, it was called “Shock Treatments”  After I left the hospital, I went for a few more ECT treatments.
     My experience with ECT leaves me confused, about how I think and feel about it.  I believe that it  has helped me, but I panicked in the end and quit.  I am terrified of general anesthesia, and general anesthesia is a necessity with ECT.  I have had serious problems with  anesthesia, at another hospital during ECT, in the past.  Consequently, I feared waking up during the treatment, or worse, dying from the treatment.  My fears weren’t totally rational.  On the day of my 8th treatment, I broke down, and told the Medical Assistant, that I was sorry, but I was cancelling my appointment, because I was too scared.
     ECT, can cause a loss of memory, also, and I lost a great amount.  It’s a disturbing feeling.  You feel helpless, not being able to remember things.  I had to be re-trained to do my office assistant job, which felt humiliating.  Not everyone who gets ECT, has a memory loss problems.  Everyone’s experience is different.  I would neither recommend nor disapprove of ECT, if you asked me my opinion.
     I am going through medication changes, and I think that it has also helped me.  My attitude, is getting better everyday.  I’m starting to enjoy myself again.  And I am thankful for all of the prayers that I have recieved.