My Uncomfortable Mind

     As you may have read, in the last blog entry, I resigned from my job.  I was working, as a Meat Clerk, at a supermarket.  I had been there for 5 1/2 years and always felt secure in my job, until about 10 weeks ago.
     No, it was not a high paying, super-professional occupation.  In fact, it was a lot of physical labor, a young person’s job, really.  But it kept me in good physical shape.  And I was really good at my job.  I knew what to do, always helped my co-workers, worked my ass off, was awesome, awesome, awesome with customers.
    I have an educational background in agriculture, I studied about farm animals, from gestation to slaughter.  I felt that my background in this field encouraged me to succeed at my job.
      It was a low-paying job, but I did not care.  I was just happy to have this job, and I loved doing it most of the time.  I appreciate the fact that I can work at least part-time. And I LOVE to work.
    But I had been out on medical leave numerous times over the past 5 1/2 years, and lost my position in the Meat Dept., while out on a medical leave.  They “accommodated” me by putting in another department.  And in the other department, I was driven to tears several times, with their scolding, whenever, I made a mistake in this new position.
     In the past, I was asked what my diagnosis is twice, which is not legal,  I was forced to bring in two notes from my psychiatrist, to accommodate my work hours, when I only needed one.  Another employee boldly walked up to me after I had come back from my first medical leave and exclaimed “Hey, I heard you had a nervous breakdown”.  In other words, my confidentiality was never respected.
    In the end, the store manager harassed me and threatened to terminate me over Family Leave Act paperwork.  I felt that she was trying to push me out the door.
     Because of the stress, I started to become ill, I wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping, was crying excessively.
I took a little time off from work, talked to a lot of people, professionals included, and after many suggestions, made a painful decision to resign from my job, at the supermarket.
     I have been in a bit of a grieving state, after all, I had  been working there a long time.    I miss the guys that I worked with.  I was the only female in the Meat Dept.  They looked out for me, I spoiled them with daily goodies from the bakery or cookie aisle.  My boss said that I was his best worker, that he wished that all his workers were as good as me.  He wasn’t the one who transferred me.  It was a “corporate” decision.
      So now, I don’t know what to do with my life anymore….It’s the end of an era for me….