My husband, Frankie & I had an interesting conversation, this morning. I wondered aloud, about what it would be like, if I didn’t take the medications that I am on. At present time, I take Effexor, Abilify, BusPar, Trillifon, & Neurontin. It seems like a lot of medications, and honestly, it really is. But it all seems to create a balance in me, that I had not felt, until this point in my life.
I am a firm believer, in medication, when it is needed. But on days, where I feel really good, I tend to wonder, if I can make it, without psychiatric medication. I wonder just what the REAL Christine would be like. Would I be very different? Do my medications mute or accentuate my personality?
Upon thought, I realize that medication, is a necessity for me, at this point in my life, and maybe for all of my life. How else do you fight off demons like deep depression, paranoia leading to fears of being slaughtered alive, feelings of wanting to die, suffocating anxiety, etc.? I have been in therapy for over 25 years, but it takes medication to treat these ailments.
There may never be a cure for me, I know. But I will continue to strive to reach sanity. I will continue to take my medication. I will continue to attend all the therapy that I need. I will continue to write about my life, as it is therapy for me, too. I will continue to seek happiness…..
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does the medication change you or restore you ?? something to ponder
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Oh wow… I was on Neurontin. For nerve pain – a medication I was on damaged my nerves in my hands and feet. The pain was … something I never want to experience again. The pain has subsided and they took me off Neurontin. I know what you mean. On it I was drowsy and slowed down, but if the pain ever returned I'd be there at the doctor's wanting it back. Pain creates its own brain malfunctions, so it's really a case of choosing between two things which will mess with your mind and then adapting/accepting the one you've chosen.Sounds easy, but I've had a lot of weepy tantrum “Why meee?” moments in between.I have a family member (uncle) who has always been 100% healthy who now (getting elderly) needs daily medication. He's freaking out about it. He hates the fact this pill is something he needs to take every day, but I figure… so what? We need to take water every day, oxygen constantly, food fairly consistently and yet we don't think of those things as burdens. My uncle sees the tablets as a burden on his freedom, yet he's quite happy with the fact he needs to drink water daily. It is a mind-set thing, to a degree. If he could only accept the medication as being a part of his daily needs, same as water, he'd save himself a lot of unhappiness.Sanity? Over rated and iffy. You just have to look at world politicians to figure how low sanity scores in humanity. 😉 I'd rather go with Perfectly Imperfect.
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🙂
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Hello,
I’m Christine
My name is Christine and I am almost 45 years old. This is my very first blog. I am writing because I feel like I am living in a closet. But I am not gay, I am mentally ill, I have Schizoaffective Disorder. I also have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Not many people know this about me. I have been fearful of “coming out”, because, frankly, the human population has not always been kind to people with mental illness. But isn’t it time that we come to accept all of our bothers & sisters, regardless of their differences?
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My Uncomfortable Mind 
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