My Uncomfortable Mind

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otiesbigsis

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     A lot has happened over the past 6 months.  But it has all been for the better.
     I decided not to undergo ECT…Electro-Convulsive Therapy…shock treatments, anymore.
     They did help me, they re-booted my brain after 9 months of undergoing treatments, but it scared the shit out of me.  I would have to go through general anesthesia and I had a few problems with it, I thought I was going to die twice.  The fear drove me to psychosis, that’s how bad it was.
They told me that if I stopped ECT, I would have a 50% chance of going back into a deep depression.  But so far, I am going strong, without it.  And I feel a great relief, not undergoing having my brain shocked.  It works, but it seems so primitive to me.
     I’m going through some medication changes.  We increased my anti-anxiety medication, and added an anti-psychotic.  So far, I am on 3 anti-psychotics, but we plan to eliminate one, soon.  The less medication, the better.  And I feel strong enough to do this.
     I had Bronchitis for over a month, and felt depressed towards the end, that’s how I knew that I was really sick.  But after a week’s worth of antibiotics, I feel well.  And my mind is at peace.  And once again, I feel thankful….so thankful for normalcy and the people that love me.
     I am thankful, Lord, for all that you have given me.

2 responses to “”

  1. Avatar
    Anonymous

    This is great news to see you putting some of the pain in the REARVIEW MIRROR. Keep up the good work, not all days will be great but getting up after a few blows and brushing them off is the way to keep moving FORWARD 🙂

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  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    I am so glad you opted out of the ECT therapy. I know people who have had it and in the long run I do not think it has enacted any positive change in them. My aunt had it. It did a terrible turn for her. And a friend my age who I think therapy and long term understanding and medication by family members would have been a better route as well. This according to my friend herself.I have not or will not ever have it unless I am brought in my court order which don't ever think will happen. I almost signed myself in last Labor Day weekend or went to the emergency room, but honestly Christine, I did not trust one upstart intern to decide they saw something in me and order me held for three days. I had no insurance at the time. I felt I had that much decision making ability left in me, to be making a choice like that myself. I have found all you need is one jump the gun MD and you are screwed.

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Hello,

I’m Christine

My name is Christine and I am almost 45 years old. This is my very first blog. I am writing because I feel like I am living in a closet. But I am not gay, I am mentally ill, I have Schizoaffective Disorder. I also have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Not many people know this about me. I have been fearful of “coming out”, because, frankly, the human population has not always been kind to people with mental illness. But isn’t it time that we come to accept all of our bothers & sisters, regardless of their differences?

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