My Uncomfortable Mind

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     This time of year, the summer months, are very hard for me, and I usually don’t cope as well as I would like to.   It brings up a lot of memories that I wish that I didn’t have, because during the summer, I would have to fly to either Texas, Ohio or Tennessee to visit the beast who is my father.  And it hurts way deep down and reaches in and tears my heart apart.   I know that I didn’t deserve the abuse, but I’m the one paying the price for it.  As much as I pray, the memories and flashbacks come sneaking back into my mind, into my soul.  The tears only take the pain away temporarily.  

      Yesterday, I had a flashback and for a few moments I felt my face being held under a running faucet, as I struggled to breathe.  Someone was washing my hair in Nana’s bathroom and got impatient with me.  I must’ve been 3 years old, if that old.  And there is only one person who would do such a thing to me, and that is my father.  He tried to kill his baby girl, he almost cut my life short.  I’ve had that flashback numerous times and it never ceases to make me feel sick.  So now, I’m hoping that by letting this terrible memory outside of my mind, that it will finally leave me alone…. And I pick up the pieces behind me and carry on, as I always do.  Please give me strength Lord.

2 responses to “”

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    Anonymous

    Thank you for sharing and taking Ownership of this moment. You are a very brave and caring person who is well loved.

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  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Thank you for seeing that in me.

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Hello,

I’m Christine

My name is Christine and I am almost 45 years old. This is my very first blog. I am writing because I feel like I am living in a closet. But I am not gay, I am mentally ill, I have Schizoaffective Disorder. I also have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Not many people know this about me. I have been fearful of “coming out”, because, frankly, the human population has not always been kind to people with mental illness. But isn’t it time that we come to accept all of our bothers & sisters, regardless of their differences?

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