My Uncomfortable Mind

     I feel blessed, so blessed today.  And I feel that way, every time I have a good day.  It wasn’t very long ago, that my mind was suffering badly.   In the past year, I have been hospitalized twice for depression and psychosis.  Before my last hospitalization, I spent three months in my own private hell.  I was overwhelmed and scared and didn’t tell anybody what I felt inside.  You see, I had an overpowering fear that someone was going to break into my house and viciously murder me.  This happened every time I was alone, which was hours a day, five days a week.  It was not rational, I live in a very safe neighborhood where crime is rare.  I couldn’t shake it.  I’d watch TV, listen to music, try to distract myself.  But I was fearing for my life.  We tried medication changes, I went for more Electro-convulsive therapy (shock treatments) and was finally hospitalized when I was at my wit’s end and wanted to die.  But I knew that if I committed suicide, it would destroy my mother and my husband.  So I sought help, and I am forever thankful to our good Lord that I had enough sanity to do that.  And I am thankful for the people who helped me realize that I could live through this and find some happiness.