My Uncomfortable Mind

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otiesbigsis

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     I am wrestling with the idea of losing the “X” and using my real name, but I am not sure if I am ready for that.  To be honest, I’m afraid to use my own name because there’s a lot of evil people out there, who do not accept people with mental illness, and I don’t want to be hurt, physically or emotionally.  So I’m sending this out to people I trust and they can send it out to people they trust.  That’s the hope anyways.  In time, when I am stronger inside I hope that a lot of people will read it and understand that there is no shame in being mentally ill.  In an ideal world, I would not feel like I had to hide, but even a lot of my Facebook friends do not know what I struggle with.   Also, I think that deep, down, inside I am not fully comfortable with myself yet.  I know that for awhile I harbored a lot of hostility towards my own brain, because it “plays tricks on me”.  But I can’t trade it in and get a new brain, I can only try to repair the one I have.  And learn to accept it.

2 responses to “”

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    Anonymous

    I think X is powerful. When I am not feeling great and I want to hide a little, I wear makeup. You may be able to write about things in a way as X that you would not be able to if you “outed” yourself. In the end, you will make the right decision. You have my support.Love, Cera

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  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Thank you, Cera, I think you are right!

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Hello,

I’m Christine

My name is Christine and I am almost 45 years old. This is my very first blog. I am writing because I feel like I am living in a closet. But I am not gay, I am mentally ill, I have Schizoaffective Disorder. I also have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Not many people know this about me. I have been fearful of “coming out”, because, frankly, the human population has not always been kind to people with mental illness. But isn’t it time that we come to accept all of our bothers & sisters, regardless of their differences?

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