All through the physical ailments that life has subjected me to, recently, I have been haunted about a life I led almost 30 years ago.
I met a really adorable Italian guy in my early 20’s. I knew exactly when I became pregnant. Then one morning we had an argument. The next thing I knew, I hit the floor and he was kicking me in my back. I was fighting for my life. I lost the baby and was never able to conceive again.
I still dream of him, even though I have a great husband. Usually we are in Italy, walking around the town, or drinking cappuccinos. Happy stuff. Yahoo.
I guess that my mind is struggling, as we never talked it over before I ran away. He had bitten me on my thigh, I found my finger nails to be broken, and my soul had had enough.
I know that my PTSD is bringing this shit up. PTSD has a huge refuge within me. I try to expel it by writing and psychotherapy.
I don’t know what is worse. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Major Depression? Severe Anxiety? Paranoia,? Hallucinations,? Schizoaffective Disorder? Yeah, I have them all. And I just don’t know.
Sweet Lord, save my soul from drowning. Please help me to find meaning in all of this.
Hello,
I’m Christine
My name is Christine and I am almost 45 years old. This is my very first blog. I am writing because I feel like I am living in a closet. But I am not gay, I am mentally ill, I have Schizoaffective Disorder. I also have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Not many people know this about me. I have been fearful of “coming out”, because, frankly, the human population has not always been kind to people with mental illness. But isn’t it time that we come to accept all of our bothers & sisters, regardless of their differences?
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My Uncomfortable Mind 
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