I often wonder, if my life would be much bigger, bolder, braver, more successful, if I did not have PTSD, Panic Disorder and Schizoaffective Disorder. I like to imagine myself as independant, and super powerful. But, I never really believe it.
People have told me, numerous times that I am amazing and brave. I just don’t see it. I feel like a frightened lost little girl most of the time.
I have had several different occupations, however, it seemed that I couldn’t hang on to a job. Every so often, I would just fall apart, ending up in the psychiatric ward. Most jobs that I had were intolerant of my illness or need to be out of work on a sick leave. Eventually, I would get squeezed out of my job.
When I was about 36, my psychiatrist felt that full-time work was too stressful for me, and told me to apply for disability insurance.
I go through periods of time where I feel so happy to be so free of depression, PTSD, & Schizoaffective disorder, but, it is always lurking around the corner, waiting to pounce on me.
When this happens, I often can’t shake it off. I end up in the hospital.
Life, for me, is like a horrifying rollercoaster, up & down, up & down.
One response to “#146….My Life Is Like A Rollercoaster”
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I see you as proof of the resiliency of the human spirit and it gives me hope.
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Hello,
I’m Christine
My name is Christine and I am almost 45 years old. This is my very first blog. I am writing because I feel like I am living in a closet. But I am not gay, I am mentally ill, I have Schizoaffective Disorder. I also have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Not many people know this about me. I have been fearful of “coming out”, because, frankly, the human population has not always been kind to people with mental illness. But isn’t it time that we come to accept all of our bothers & sisters, regardless of their differences?
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My Uncomfortable Mind 
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