My Uncomfortable Mind

     It has  been ages since I have written.  Life has been tough for me.  I should have used this as an oppurtunity to write.  I just, haven’t been myself.
     I went to 4 funerals and memorials, in 2 months.   The last memorial service was for an 8 year old child, killed in a freak accident.   I felt overwhelmed by all of this death and tragedy surrounding me.  I believe that even the strongest of people would have difficulty, in these situations.
     I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Disorder, Schizoaffective Disorder, and I just couldn’t keep it together.
      People panic, when they hear that I have  auditory hallucinations.  They think that I hear scary voices, telling me to harm others.  For me, I tend to hear strange music, that I cannot describe.   Sometimes I hear several voices,  at once, chattering away, but I cannot figure out what they are saying.   It is all a sign of stress for  me.  And it was triggered a few weeks back, scaring the Hell out of me.
     I had a  wonderful time, a couple of weeks later, visiting my mother, in another state, up north.
I did, however, spend a few nights  coughing all night, and towards  the end, I felt quite homesick, and left soon after.
     My mother  was concerned about my coughing, so she insisted  that I see a doctor.   So, I did…3 different times , and learned, that I have bronchitis, allergies and asthma, acting up.   With the humidity and hot weather, they expect it to be awhile before I get  well.
    I  finally got a home nebulizer, for my asthma, and I am feeling much better, at this point.
    Yesterday, though, I felt sleepy, lethargic, and depressed, for no apparent reason.
     Summers, typically, are very upsetting to me.  I get a lot of sadness, panic, depression,  basically from triggers from my past.   Please help me, Lord, and all of those who suffer, like me.