My Uncomfortable Mind

     Forgive me for not writing in a while.  Since my illnesses of Schizoaffective disorder, Panic Disorder, & Post Traumatic Stress Disorder have struck me, again, in March, 2014, I have not been the same.  I go through some content passages, but I always end up feeling out of place, with  periods of long sleep, lack of eating, crying, panicking, anger, fear, confusion, depression….need I go on?
   
      One of my greatest achievements, is this blog, “My Uncomfortable Mind”.  When I can’t write, I feel like a loser, a failure.   I am much too judgemental about myself.  When I do write, I feel that a lot of angst, is released through my soul.  I also learn a lot about myself.

  My father’s birthday was about 2 weeks ago.  I have thought a lot about my father, mostly negative experiences.  My father struck me as cold.  In truth, the crimes that he committed, make him despictable.
     I want to know when he dies.  I will feel so relieved.  He will no longer sexually molest, beat, emotionally abuse children and women.  He’s not a big man, but he had the ability to break your soul.

     It has been over 6 weeks since I wrote the first paragraph, of this blog entry.  I am having issues…still, communicating to my readers.  My mood has been so-so…that’s the best way to put it.
     I am still having bad dreams, that haunt my thoughts throughout the day.  I dream about my father a lot.  I dream about, my ex,  who used to beat me.  The closet doors of my mind, have opened up…again…