My Uncomfortable Mind

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     I have been out of a hospital’s Psychiatric Ward, for a week, now.  I am doing fair.
I am smiling, on the outside, and trying to enjoy the company of friends, but I’ve also been in denial, of what has been going on in my head.  I am suffering from paranoia.  On Thursday, after 4 days of not showering, I finally realized: “Christine you must get in the shower, stop feeling like you’ll be vulnerable, naked, and slashed up by a stranger”.   I have been afraid to go in the cellar, for the same reason.  I feel like people are talking about me, saying that I am crazy…I feel that I’m being watched.
     I can’t begin to tell you how uncomfortable, and terrifying it is.  My mind, is playing tricks on me…
My own psychiatrist was not working today, as it is Good Friday, a holiday.  Another very kind, psychiatrist talked with me over the telephone and increased my Trillifon, an antipsychotic.
     If you are the praying type, please send prayers my way.  People say that I am strong and brave, but honestly, sometimes I feel like a scared little kid.  I just want to get better.

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Hello,

I’m Christine

My name is Christine and I am almost 45 years old. This is my very first blog. I am writing because I feel like I am living in a closet. But I am not gay, I am mentally ill, I have Schizoaffective Disorder. I also have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Not many people know this about me. I have been fearful of “coming out”, because, frankly, the human population has not always been kind to people with mental illness. But isn’t it time that we come to accept all of our bothers & sisters, regardless of their differences?

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