Today, I am feeling quite a bit better than I had felt for the previous 3 days. I still do not feel 100% like myself, but I could cope today, with life.
Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, I fell apart, I couldn’t think clearly, I had nightmares each night, I cried most of those days. I stayed in my house, in my nightgown, huddling with my pillow. It hit me like a ton of bricks, one day I was happy, the next day, I was shell-shocked and devastated. And I knew that it was all because of the time of year.
I am reminded of the year, when, I was 9 years old. It was Christmas, and an old ex-boyfriend, of my mother, and his brother, got drunk and fought until the brother broke a ketchup bottle over my mother’s ex’s head. It was bloody and all the children were screaming. I can’t wipe out this memory, no matter how I try.
And I am reminded that my awful father never seemed to want to spend the holidays with me, but he would spent them with his other kids. I try not to think about him too, but the memories invade me.
I saw my therapist yesterday afternoon, and we talked quite a bit, and I think that it really helped me a lot. I think that I now have strength, to make it through this Christmas.
Hello,
I’m Christine
My name is Christine and I am almost 45 years old. This is my very first blog. I am writing because I feel like I am living in a closet. But I am not gay, I am mentally ill, I have Schizoaffective Disorder. I also have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Not many people know this about me. I have been fearful of “coming out”, because, frankly, the human population has not always been kind to people with mental illness. But isn’t it time that we come to accept all of our bothers & sisters, regardless of their differences?
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My Uncomfortable Mind 
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