My Uncomfortable Mind

     I think that one of the things, that carries me through all of my days, is my strong faith in God.    Every day, I pray, usually for someone else, but on my worst days I have pray for me.  And God listens to me, answering and fulfilling countless prayers for me.  My Pastor has called me a “Vessel”, in other words, a conduit to God.  Strangers and people I barely know, constantly confide in me their problems and life stories.  I usually just listen, sometimes offering advice, if I have any. Most of the time I know that God has heard their stories through me, and I just pray.  I don’t go to church as often as I should, and I haven’t opened a Bible since I was a child, when I read it extensively.  I just know that to talk to God and to feel the presence of the Lord is what is really important.  
     But at times, I wonder if my ability to feel the presence of God, is a delusion.  You see, a year and a half ago, I also felt the presence of Satan.  I was in a bad state of mind, and refused to go to church for months because I felt that I was being followed by Satan, and didn’t want to bring Satan into such a holy place like church.  Fortunately, this paranoid delusion went away, after treatment.
     Delusion or no delusion, I will not give up my faith in God.  When I  am falling apart God is there to listen, when people are often not.
      I feel You, Lord.  I know that You have granted me a most difficult journey in life, but You gave it to me because I am brave, strong, compassionate , and full of love for others.  With You, Lord, I want to help  as  many people suffering with mental illness as possible.