Today is Mother’s Day and I have mixed emotions and a bit of sadness. I wanted to become a mother for many years, but when I was 24, I was in a bad relationship, and was surprised to find myself pregnant. But I lost the baby due to domestic violence. He beat me badly one day. I was saddened and angry for years. And I never could get pregnant again.
Now, I think, that in some ways, its a good thing that I didn’t have any children. Motherhood would have been extremely hard for me while trying to battle my illness. I may not have been able to take care of my child as excellently as I wanted to. And most of my father’s family is mentally ill, it just keeps being passed down the line. My chances of having a child with serious mental illness were so high. And I didn’t want my child to suffer like I do. So, I finally decided not to have a baby, and I believe that it was a wise, selfless decision.
Hello,
I’m Christine
My name is Christine and I am almost 45 years old. This is my very first blog. I am writing because I feel like I am living in a closet. But I am not gay, I am mentally ill, I have Schizoaffective Disorder. I also have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Not many people know this about me. I have been fearful of “coming out”, because, frankly, the human population has not always been kind to people with mental illness. But isn’t it time that we come to accept all of our bothers & sisters, regardless of their differences?
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My Uncomfortable Mind 
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